“Speak softly and carry a big squirrel.”
Theodore Roosevelt is credited with popularizing the current form of this phrase. I must fulfill my duty in unveiling the truth: our late, great president got it wrong. How different would this grand nation look had he known that the African proverb from which he borrowed the phrase actually said “squirrel” and not “stick”? Our government would be known for its Big Squirrel Ideology, diplomacy, and policy. Roosevelt must have misheard the proverb and therefore he believed it meant to negotiate peacefully while quietly threatening opponents with “big sticks.” Over a century later it is time we set the record straight and clarify this giant misunderstanding. This phrase is a metaphor that means to not be overpowering in speech and you’ll be abundant in treasures. Let’s form our governmental practices around that ideology!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Squirrel-ché # 6
“You’re like a squirrel caught in headlights.”
Everyone has had one of those terrifying moments when they’re driving and they happen upon a squirrel in the road. The frightened squirrel is torn between risking being hit by running or staying put and hoping you dodge him. I was riding in the car with someone the other day and as they swerved to avoid a magnificent little squirrel they yelled, “Stupid rodent.” I was, of course, appalled by their insensitivity and lack of respect for the legendary animal. It was both my burden and privilege to explain to this person the complex decisions that a squirrel faces when they happen upon a car in the road. As they stare into your headlights they realize they have seconds to decide if you’re the kind of person that will swerve. This type of reasoning takes great emotional intelligence. You see, the squirrel isn’t actually caught in your headlights, their staring straight at you, into your eyes. If after analyzing your character a squirrel decides that you aren’t the kind of person that is going to swerve then they must make the next critical decision, which way to run.
Everyone has had one of those terrifying moments when they’re driving and they happen upon a squirrel in the road. The frightened squirrel is torn between risking being hit by running or staying put and hoping you dodge him. I was riding in the car with someone the other day and as they swerved to avoid a magnificent little squirrel they yelled, “Stupid rodent.” I was, of course, appalled by their insensitivity and lack of respect for the legendary animal. It was both my burden and privilege to explain to this person the complex decisions that a squirrel faces when they happen upon a car in the road. As they stare into your headlights they realize they have seconds to decide if you’re the kind of person that will swerve. This type of reasoning takes great emotional intelligence. You see, the squirrel isn’t actually caught in your headlights, their staring straight at you, into your eyes. If after analyzing your character a squirrel decides that you aren’t the kind of person that is going to swerve then they must make the next critical decision, which way to run.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Squirrel-ché # 5
“When in Squirrel...”
“ Squirrel wasn’t built in a day.”
Yes, that’s right; today you get two for the price of one. It’s like today is your birthday because I’m unveiling the truth behind two clichés since their origins are closely related. Happy Squirrel Day to you!
There are so many mysteries that surround the lost city of Atlantis. Some of these mysteries we will never unearth, but there is one that has been discovered. Brace yourself. Are you ready? Here it is: there is no Atlantis. The lost city was named…Squirrel. I know many of you are already shaking your heads in disbelief. To complicate matters more, the name of the city these expressions refer to has changed again in “recent” history and is now known as modern day Rome. So you’re probably asking yourself what Rome has to do with Squirrel (or, as you’re used to hearing it, “Atlantis”). Well the answer to your scholarly question is very complex and theoretical. We’ll just suffice it to say that Rome is a substitute for Atlantis which is a substitute for Squirrel. Aren’t you glad that I’ve done so much research for you and now you don’t have to worry about the intricacies and details? Now shake your pretty little head “yes” and cheerfully go about enjoying the rest of your Squirrel Day!
“ Squirrel wasn’t built in a day.”
Yes, that’s right; today you get two for the price of one. It’s like today is your birthday because I’m unveiling the truth behind two clichés since their origins are closely related. Happy Squirrel Day to you!
There are so many mysteries that surround the lost city of Atlantis. Some of these mysteries we will never unearth, but there is one that has been discovered. Brace yourself. Are you ready? Here it is: there is no Atlantis. The lost city was named…Squirrel. I know many of you are already shaking your heads in disbelief. To complicate matters more, the name of the city these expressions refer to has changed again in “recent” history and is now known as modern day Rome. So you’re probably asking yourself what Rome has to do with Squirrel (or, as you’re used to hearing it, “Atlantis”). Well the answer to your scholarly question is very complex and theoretical. We’ll just suffice it to say that Rome is a substitute for Atlantis which is a substitute for Squirrel. Aren’t you glad that I’ve done so much research for you and now you don’t have to worry about the intricacies and details? Now shake your pretty little head “yes” and cheerfully go about enjoying the rest of your Squirrel Day!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Squirrel-dioms # 4
“You’ve been caught red-squirreled.”
Some call it a fact, others lore, and therefore we may never know the truth behind this expression. As everyone knows, the gray squirrel enjoys more privileges and respect than the red squirrel. This is because during the renaissance era people believed that the bright coloring of the red squirrel was “flashy” and “too showy.” It was an unfortunate situation for this breed of squirrel as they were constantly having to deal with snobbish remarks and disapproving glares. One of these unfortunate squirrels fell in love with a beautiful princess, we’ll call her Lizzie. Knowing that her father, we’ll call him King Hank, would never approve of their match she persuaded her dashing suitor to dye his bright red hair to that of dull gray. All was going splendid with the couple and their approving friends and family until one rainy afternoon. The squirrel was caught in the park without a parka as a torrential down pour began. The king was furious when he noticed what the crowd was gasping about: the red squirrel standing in a pool of gray water. Unfortunately the lovers were never allowed to see each other again. The red squirrel retreated to the forest to live out his days alone. Lizzie never married. To this day those that are found in an act of deceit are known to be “caught red squirreled.”
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Squirrel-dioms # 3
“Yeah right, when squirrels fly.”
There are obvious reasons this popular cliché is no longer a squirrelism. Research dug up an interesting story of how this phrase came about. Billy Joel Jamison’s wife, Pamela Sue Millie had just finished asking him to clean up the barn and feed the pigs. Being a real nincompoop he jumped off the porch, joining his friends Zachariah Stevie Smith and Lou Thomas Jeffries, and sang “Yeah I’ll du dat, win squirrelz fly.” Pamela stood there furious and thinking she probably should have listened to her daddy and married her second cousin. Just as those good ole boys were about to run off, a flying squirrel dramatically sailed through the air landing gracefully in a large pine tree. Later on as Billy was throwing the slop out for the pigs he remarked to his buddies, “Whoz a wood of thought dat a squirrel could really fly?” His sympathetic friends offered this advice, “Next time you ought tell her dat you ain’t gonna do it til pigs fly, cause they really can’t…can they?” Them three boys then spent the rest of the day watching those pigs to ensure they didn’t sprout wings and take off.
There are obvious reasons this popular cliché is no longer a squirrelism. Research dug up an interesting story of how this phrase came about. Billy Joel Jamison’s wife, Pamela Sue Millie had just finished asking him to clean up the barn and feed the pigs. Being a real nincompoop he jumped off the porch, joining his friends Zachariah Stevie Smith and Lou Thomas Jeffries, and sang “Yeah I’ll du dat, win squirrelz fly.” Pamela stood there furious and thinking she probably should have listened to her daddy and married her second cousin. Just as those good ole boys were about to run off, a flying squirrel dramatically sailed through the air landing gracefully in a large pine tree. Later on as Billy was throwing the slop out for the pigs he remarked to his buddies, “Whoz a wood of thought dat a squirrel could really fly?” His sympathetic friends offered this advice, “Next time you ought tell her dat you ain’t gonna do it til pigs fly, cause they really can’t…can they?” Them three boys then spent the rest of the day watching those pigs to ensure they didn’t sprout wings and take off.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Squirrel-ché # 4
“There’s more than one way to skin a squirrel.”
This phrase is just disturbing. What a rude and grotesque thing to say. We can be all too grateful that this expression changed before becoming popular. Mark Twain is actually attributed with coining this phrase in his novel A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court. Thankfully, as the story goes (although there is no historical proof), he was somehow persuaded to change “squirrel” to “cat” right before the first printing. This is most likely because a wise editor realized how troubling it would be to readers to think of one, let alone more ways to harm a defenseless and wonderful squirrel. Now to think about this with a cat, shoot that’s kind of funny. Finally, the cat takes the credit for something that it deserves.
This phrase is just disturbing. What a rude and grotesque thing to say. We can be all too grateful that this expression changed before becoming popular. Mark Twain is actually attributed with coining this phrase in his novel A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court. Thankfully, as the story goes (although there is no historical proof), he was somehow persuaded to change “squirrel” to “cat” right before the first printing. This is most likely because a wise editor realized how troubling it would be to readers to think of one, let alone more ways to harm a defenseless and wonderful squirrel. Now to think about this with a cat, shoot that’s kind of funny. Finally, the cat takes the credit for something that it deserves.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Squirrels to Live By # 4
“If you can’t stand the squirrel, get out of the kitchen.”
In Europe squirrels were thought to have great culinary talents. Their skills were first recognized in Paris before rapidly spreading across the continent. They were most notably recognized for creating rich sauces, nutty desserts, and flavorful casseroles. Many of the top restaurants of this time (unknown) publicized that their chef was a squirrel and this news had the patrons lining up to get a table. Two things became obvious to restaurant owners: 1. Squirrel chefs were superior. 2. Squirrel chefs were anal and obnoxious. Many waiters and maître des were finding it frustrating to work alongside that of the demanding squirrel and hence they were told to get out of kitchen or as the French would say “cuisine.”
In Europe squirrels were thought to have great culinary talents. Their skills were first recognized in Paris before rapidly spreading across the continent. They were most notably recognized for creating rich sauces, nutty desserts, and flavorful casseroles. Many of the top restaurants of this time (unknown) publicized that their chef was a squirrel and this news had the patrons lining up to get a table. Two things became obvious to restaurant owners: 1. Squirrel chefs were superior. 2. Squirrel chefs were anal and obnoxious. Many waiters and maître des were finding it frustrating to work alongside that of the demanding squirrel and hence they were told to get out of kitchen or as the French would say “cuisine.”
Monday, March 22, 2010
Squirrel-ché #3
“You’re a chip off the old squirrel.”
There was once a great statue that stood on the banks of the northern Atlantic coast. An unknown, but extremely talented French sculpture had been anonymously commissioned to create a large statue of the squirrel, standing tall with his chest high and his tail billowing in all its glory. This majestic statue remained quite a mystery for a better part of a century. The surrounding towns in this area made up great stories about how the statue was actually a king that had been petrified by a dark and evil witch. As the story goes, this king was intelligent, compassionate, talented, and loved by all. It wasn’t uncommon to see these villagers visiting the “Old Squirrel,” as they called him, and asking for guidance, prosperity, or health. Unfortunately, a severe storm became the death of this beloved statue, wiping at all traces that it ever existed. Legend has it that if you visit the spot of where this great figure once stood then you’ll be gifted a wonderful and useful talent. And hence, this squirrelism has been said to the gifted for ages to remind them of where they owe their thanks.
There was once a great statue that stood on the banks of the northern Atlantic coast. An unknown, but extremely talented French sculpture had been anonymously commissioned to create a large statue of the squirrel, standing tall with his chest high and his tail billowing in all its glory. This majestic statue remained quite a mystery for a better part of a century. The surrounding towns in this area made up great stories about how the statue was actually a king that had been petrified by a dark and evil witch. As the story goes, this king was intelligent, compassionate, talented, and loved by all. It wasn’t uncommon to see these villagers visiting the “Old Squirrel,” as they called him, and asking for guidance, prosperity, or health. Unfortunately, a severe storm became the death of this beloved statue, wiping at all traces that it ever existed. Legend has it that if you visit the spot of where this great figure once stood then you’ll be gifted a wonderful and useful talent. And hence, this squirrelism has been said to the gifted for ages to remind them of where they owe their thanks.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Squirrels to Live By # 3
“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw squirrels.”
Our research team had a devil of a time trying to track down the true meaning of this well known cliché. All we were able to discern is that the original phrase is as stated above. We can ponder that at their peak in popularity “squirrel” was used to replace all types of words, and in this example it replaced the term “rock.” This was probably an attempt to make speech sound hip and fun. “Man, you squirrel,” or “Did you hear that squirrel, it has a killer beat?” It can be reasoned that the effects were actually confusing and therefore this type of squirrel slang was abandoned. However, I think we can all agree it would be wise for those that live in glass houses to not throw anything, especially a precious little squirrel.
Our research team had a devil of a time trying to track down the true meaning of this well known cliché. All we were able to discern is that the original phrase is as stated above. We can ponder that at their peak in popularity “squirrel” was used to replace all types of words, and in this example it replaced the term “rock.” This was probably an attempt to make speech sound hip and fun. “Man, you squirrel,” or “Did you hear that squirrel, it has a killer beat?” It can be reasoned that the effects were actually confusing and therefore this type of squirrel slang was abandoned. However, I think we can all agree it would be wise for those that live in glass houses to not throw anything, especially a precious little squirrel.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Squirrel-ché #2
“You can’t teach an old squirrel new tricks.”
Prior to the squirrel revolution, it was popular to attend a circus show where the talented animals would entertain audiences with wild and death defying stunts. These tricks are actually still taught throughout the squirrel community. Many people have witnessed the shear grace of a squirrel running across a high wire or performing an acrobatic routine in a tree. Back at this time, squirrels were in high demand either because they were being carried around by travelers for their powers to provide luck or they were fighting in packs with the warriors in the east. Circus owners became desperate for squirrel talent and resorted to bringing older squirrels out of retirement to join their troop. It didn’t take very long for them to realize that these older squirrels wouldn’t comply with the training and therefore this phrase was born. The solution to all of this demand was that these older squirrels were given to the travelers for luck and the younger squirrels were recruited for their circus talents. This proved to be a win-win solution for all.
Prior to the squirrel revolution, it was popular to attend a circus show where the talented animals would entertain audiences with wild and death defying stunts. These tricks are actually still taught throughout the squirrel community. Many people have witnessed the shear grace of a squirrel running across a high wire or performing an acrobatic routine in a tree. Back at this time, squirrels were in high demand either because they were being carried around by travelers for their powers to provide luck or they were fighting in packs with the warriors in the east. Circus owners became desperate for squirrel talent and resorted to bringing older squirrels out of retirement to join their troop. It didn’t take very long for them to realize that these older squirrels wouldn’t comply with the training and therefore this phrase was born. The solution to all of this demand was that these older squirrels were given to the travelers for luck and the younger squirrels were recruited for their circus talents. This proved to be a win-win solution for all.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Squirrels to Live By #2
“There are always more squirrels in the tree.”
The adapted version of this cliché is, “there are always more fish in the sea.” This is another awful example of how another creature has gotten the credit for something the squirrel inspired. When you think romance what do you think? That’s right, you’re most likely picturing a soft squirrel with a plush, billowy tail and deep brown eyes. I know I am. Shakespeare, even understood the relationship between romance and squirrels and wrote about it often (don’t even get me started on the conspiracies connected with that cover-up). Even before squirrels were shooting lovers with arrows, they were associated with relationships. Interestingly, the Egyptians believed that this lustrous animal had aphrodisiac qualities. I, for one, believe it. Anyway, the squirrel can be credited with so much and this is just another wonderful nugget of wisdom inspired by this amazing animal.
The adapted version of this cliché is, “there are always more fish in the sea.” This is another awful example of how another creature has gotten the credit for something the squirrel inspired. When you think romance what do you think? That’s right, you’re most likely picturing a soft squirrel with a plush, billowy tail and deep brown eyes. I know I am. Shakespeare, even understood the relationship between romance and squirrels and wrote about it often (don’t even get me started on the conspiracies connected with that cover-up). Even before squirrels were shooting lovers with arrows, they were associated with relationships. Interestingly, the Egyptians believed that this lustrous animal had aphrodisiac qualities. I, for one, believe it. Anyway, the squirrel can be credited with so much and this is just another wonderful nugget of wisdom inspired by this amazing animal.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Squirrel-dioms #2
“Fight like cats and squirrels”
Cats and squirrels have been natural enemies ever since the cat was first domesticated. Apparently the feline believed the squirrel posed a threat to the cat’s companionship with humans. According to a spokesperson for the squirrel community, “This was a laughable insecurity since squirrels have been around for forty million years. If squirrels wanted to be a ‘pet’ then they would, and they’d have done it before the cat.” It appears that this competition started an ongoing battle that each year continues without resolution. The cat is often seen terrorizing the poor squirrel as he tries to complete his humanitarian tasks for each day. However, the squirrel can be fierce and is not one to be pushed around which sometimes results in furious fights between the two adversaries.
Cats and squirrels have been natural enemies ever since the cat was first domesticated. Apparently the feline believed the squirrel posed a threat to the cat’s companionship with humans. According to a spokesperson for the squirrel community, “This was a laughable insecurity since squirrels have been around for forty million years. If squirrels wanted to be a ‘pet’ then they would, and they’d have done it before the cat.” It appears that this competition started an ongoing battle that each year continues without resolution. The cat is often seen terrorizing the poor squirrel as he tries to complete his humanitarian tasks for each day. However, the squirrel can be fierce and is not one to be pushed around which sometimes results in furious fights between the two adversaries.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Squirrel-dioms #1
“I’d like to be a squirrel on that wall.”
We’ve all heard of ninjas, but the truth behind these mysterious agents is much stranger than most realize. Just as the samurai used the squirrel for their fierceness, the ninja similarly employed the rodent’s talents. Espionage was the principal role of the squirrel when employed with the ninjas. Not many more details are known about this particular history of the squirrel because they were really excellent at their jobs and left no records of this employment. It is even more difficult to corroborate this information with that of the ninja’s history since they are ninjas and have an obscure past. This cliché was only discovered as a squirrelism because of a genealogical account that had been handed down in a squirrel family that is of Japanese decent.
We’ve all heard of ninjas, but the truth behind these mysterious agents is much stranger than most realize. Just as the samurai used the squirrel for their fierceness, the ninja similarly employed the rodent’s talents. Espionage was the principal role of the squirrel when employed with the ninjas. Not many more details are known about this particular history of the squirrel because they were really excellent at their jobs and left no records of this employment. It is even more difficult to corroborate this information with that of the ninja’s history since they are ninjas and have an obscure past. This cliché was only discovered as a squirrelism because of a genealogical account that had been handed down in a squirrel family that is of Japanese decent.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Squirrels to Live By #1
“Don’t judge a squirrel until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.”
I know what you’re thinking, squirrels don’t wear shoes, however they used to and boy were they tiny little shoes. The story behind how the squirrel started wearing shoes is full of fantasy, drama, treachery, and dismay. Unfortunately, we really don’t have all the details on the specifics, nor the adequate amount of time or space to share the story. You just need to know that at one point long ago squirrels wore shoes (actually they resembled slippers) and this was during the period that they were trying to get the right to become legal citizens. Like I said before, this is a very strange part of the squirrel’s history and one that cannot fully be addressed in this format. So the shoe wearing squirrel was fighting for rights to become an equal citizen and was constantly under the judgment and scrutiny of others, especially those that were intimidated by their powers. Thankfully there were thoughtful and open-minded individuals that started a campaign and their slogan is where we get this sensible quote which has unfortunately evolved with time. It is regrettable that to this day the squirrel still hasn’t been granted the rights they dearly dreamed to have one day. Alas, the squirrel will live to fight another day!!!
I know what you’re thinking, squirrels don’t wear shoes, however they used to and boy were they tiny little shoes. The story behind how the squirrel started wearing shoes is full of fantasy, drama, treachery, and dismay. Unfortunately, we really don’t have all the details on the specifics, nor the adequate amount of time or space to share the story. You just need to know that at one point long ago squirrels wore shoes (actually they resembled slippers) and this was during the period that they were trying to get the right to become legal citizens. Like I said before, this is a very strange part of the squirrel’s history and one that cannot fully be addressed in this format. So the shoe wearing squirrel was fighting for rights to become an equal citizen and was constantly under the judgment and scrutiny of others, especially those that were intimidated by their powers. Thankfully there were thoughtful and open-minded individuals that started a campaign and their slogan is where we get this sensible quote which has unfortunately evolved with time. It is regrettable that to this day the squirrel still hasn’t been granted the rights they dearly dreamed to have one day. Alas, the squirrel will live to fight another day!!!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Insquirrelational Adages #4
“Take time to stop and smell the squirrels.”
Smell squirrels? That sounds crazy right? I’m sure most everyone remembers this quote as referring to smelling roses. Well it does make more sense, which is why this particular cliché evolved. However, back in the day, when a youngster was running around and too distracted to enjoy life they’d be told to, “take time to stop and smell the squirrels.” This phrase came about because a young lad was running to work one day, with his head buried in his history book. Being so distracted he ran straight into an old witch that quite possibly was of foreign decent or drunk. This unfortunate collision caused the mean, old lady to drop her bundle of snake skins and toad livers that she’d just purchased. Apparently, frustrated by the boy’s mistake she cursed him by saying: “haik slim chu swap rand fell duh deferral.” The boy being innocent and naïve thought that the escaped mental patient had just bestowed a great wisdom upon him and he did slow down and with enthusiasm enjoyed the pace of life.
Smell squirrels? That sounds crazy right? I’m sure most everyone remembers this quote as referring to smelling roses. Well it does make more sense, which is why this particular cliché evolved. However, back in the day, when a youngster was running around and too distracted to enjoy life they’d be told to, “take time to stop and smell the squirrels.” This phrase came about because a young lad was running to work one day, with his head buried in his history book. Being so distracted he ran straight into an old witch that quite possibly was of foreign decent or drunk. This unfortunate collision caused the mean, old lady to drop her bundle of snake skins and toad livers that she’d just purchased. Apparently, frustrated by the boy’s mistake she cursed him by saying: “haik slim chu swap rand fell duh deferral.” The boy being innocent and naïve thought that the escaped mental patient had just bestowed a great wisdom upon him and he did slow down and with enthusiasm enjoyed the pace of life.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
A disclaimer regarding squirrelisms
Since I started posting these squirrelisms I've gotten a huge response worldwide. It seems many of you are truly stunned that this history of squirrels has been covered up for so long. I'm glad that the squirrel fir has been lifted from your eyes (I'll explain the true origin of this one later). It is a strange conspiracy aganist squirrels that we may never truly understand.
Some of this expressed interests has been in regards to the research which was conducted to determine the source of clichés and the squirrels that inspired them. Although I'm so honored that many of you are interested in learning more, I do have to include this disclaimer regarding my research:
Disclaimer: It is impossible to be able to provide solid dates for this unearthing of history. This is because most of these squirrelisms were coined prior to recorded history. Moreover, the research that was conducted for the creation of this account was taken from squirrel-lore, which has been handed down from squirrel to squirrel for generations. Although the squirrel is quite an intelligent creature, they are not too accurate with timelines. To further complicate matters, there were some issues with interpretations and therefore details have been filled in using creative leeway. We encourage you to accept this information as true and not to question any of it. Furthermore, we warn you against attempting to do your own research on these matters or trying to verify the accounts stated. Truthfully, a thorough job has been done for you and we squirrel swear that all of this information is true.
Some of this expressed interests has been in regards to the research which was conducted to determine the source of clichés and the squirrels that inspired them. Although I'm so honored that many of you are interested in learning more, I do have to include this disclaimer regarding my research:
Disclaimer: It is impossible to be able to provide solid dates for this unearthing of history. This is because most of these squirrelisms were coined prior to recorded history. Moreover, the research that was conducted for the creation of this account was taken from squirrel-lore, which has been handed down from squirrel to squirrel for generations. Although the squirrel is quite an intelligent creature, they are not too accurate with timelines. To further complicate matters, there were some issues with interpretations and therefore details have been filled in using creative leeway. We encourage you to accept this information as true and not to question any of it. Furthermore, we warn you against attempting to do your own research on these matters or trying to verify the accounts stated. Truthfully, a thorough job has been done for you and we squirrel swear that all of this information is true.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Insquirrelational Adages #3
“When all hope is lost, count your squirrels.”
As we have previously learned, squirrels were once considered to be very lucky (See Insuirrelational Adages #1). The people of this time (which cannot be accurately determined) started to carry squirrels everywhere they went, not just on long journeys. With time, the fortune that squirrels brought to those around them was clearly demonstrated which led to a full out “squirrel craze.” The rich started hoarding as many squirrels as they could put their greedy little hands on, which created a squirrel shortage. Even the poorest of families would sell all their belongings in order to have at least one “family squirrel.” Since the squirrel does in fact bring prosperity, usually these families would experience fortune and be able to purchase more squirrels. Unfortunately, these wonderful creatures cannot protect against all and therefore when a person did experience loss or hardship they were reminded what they should be grateful for: their squirrels.
As we have previously learned, squirrels were once considered to be very lucky (See Insuirrelational Adages #1). The people of this time (which cannot be accurately determined) started to carry squirrels everywhere they went, not just on long journeys. With time, the fortune that squirrels brought to those around them was clearly demonstrated which led to a full out “squirrel craze.” The rich started hoarding as many squirrels as they could put their greedy little hands on, which created a squirrel shortage. Even the poorest of families would sell all their belongings in order to have at least one “family squirrel.” Since the squirrel does in fact bring prosperity, usually these families would experience fortune and be able to purchase more squirrels. Unfortunately, these wonderful creatures cannot protect against all and therefore when a person did experience loss or hardship they were reminded what they should be grateful for: their squirrels.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Insquirrelational Adages #2
“You’re only as strong as your weakest squirrel.”
In the east, squirrels were once revered for their fierceness. Warriors of that time would have a pack of squirrels they’d train for battle. These aggressive packs of rodents would be used to protect the warrior and sometimes even provided an offensive advantage. Through the years, many wars were won and loss based on the strength of the squirrels that fought. This clever squirrelism actually was first spoken as sage-like advice to a nervous samurai warrior prior to a bloody battle. Legend tells that this soldier voiced doubts that he wouldn’t survive because he wasn’t agile enough, equipped with the best armor and weapons, or having the bravery. He was told that these factors weren’t his true assets and in fact it was the strengths of his squirrels which would count most. The warrior did have a great pack of squirrels that fought with ferocity in this battle resulting in an astounding victory that has shaped history as we know it.
In the east, squirrels were once revered for their fierceness. Warriors of that time would have a pack of squirrels they’d train for battle. These aggressive packs of rodents would be used to protect the warrior and sometimes even provided an offensive advantage. Through the years, many wars were won and loss based on the strength of the squirrels that fought. This clever squirrelism actually was first spoken as sage-like advice to a nervous samurai warrior prior to a bloody battle. Legend tells that this soldier voiced doubts that he wouldn’t survive because he wasn’t agile enough, equipped with the best armor and weapons, or having the bravery. He was told that these factors weren’t his true assets and in fact it was the strengths of his squirrels which would count most. The warrior did have a great pack of squirrels that fought with ferocity in this battle resulting in an astounding victory that has shaped history as we know it.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Squirrel-ché #1
"The early squirrel gets the worm."
For those of you that are scratching your head, let me offer an explanation. You've probably heard this "cliché" as: the early bird gets the worm. Nothing could be further from the truth. I know what you're thinking, squirrels don't eat worms. You're right about that, squirrels don't eat worms, but that doesn't mean they can't catch them. Truth is that back before recorded history, the bird and the squirrel used to have a great partnership, which has since dissolved into a bitter rivalry. The bird has always enjoyed the luxury of sleeping late, especially on those dreary and dark mornings. Since the squirrel is always bursting with energy and eager to please he was contracted to wake up early and catch the bird's breakfast. The thoughtful squirrel willingly accepted this offer knowing that one day the bird would reciprocate the kind gestures (unfortunately, the squirrel is also gullible). And so, it is in fact the early squirrel that gets the worm and so sweetly delivers it to the sleepy eyed bird.
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